Why Men Are Buying Vibrators \u2014 and Keeping Them for Themselves

If you ask any man in America to define what a vibrator is, he’ll probably say something along the lines of, “Well, it’s a brightly-hued hunk of oblong plastic.” He’ll also probably note that vibrators are meant for women.

To an extent, this is true: historically, vibrators have been marketed to and used by women. Although an estimated 51% of men have copped to owning some sort of intimacy product (per a 2014 survey), they tend to be cock rings or Fleshlights—rarely, if ever, vibrators.

Part of the reason for this has to do with basic anatomical differences (and we probably don’t need to draw you a picture to explain why). But there’s also an undeniable stigma associated with guys using sex toys to get off.

“For men, any kind of [self-pleasure help] feels like a direct piercing of their masculinity,” says Alexandra Katehakis, clinical director of the Center For Healthy Sex. “The attitude is, ‘I can do this myself, and if I can’t there’s something wrong with me.'”

That attitude, however, might be changing. Sex tech companies are increasingly starting to market products like vibrators to dudes—and they’re into it.

While most sex toys for men are aimed at replicating the sensation of a penis going in and out of an orifice, the truth is that lots of guys find the sensation of vibrations on their penis (particularly around the frenulum, or the sensitive strip of skin underneath the head of the penis) incredibly pleasurable. In fact, according to one 2012 study, 44% of heterosexual men admitted that they’ve enjoyed using a vibrator at one point or another.

To that end, here are some of our favorite vibrating cock rings, sleeves, penile extenders, and other amazing toys that have been specifically marketed as vibrators for men.

Tenuto MysteryVibe

Design-wise, the Tenuto might throw you for a loop: it’s a small, black clip that attaches to the base of your penis, and it looks more like a tiny car seat than a sex toy. The device is controlled by an app, which powers six hyper-sensitive vibration motors that the company claims can help increase blood flow for stronger erections while also stimulating your pleasure centers. It can be used both solo and during intercourse.

According to Stephanie Alys, who has the (awesome) title of Chief Pleasure Officer at MysteryVibe, for too long men have been told that the pleasures of sex are largely fricative (i.e., through the friction produced by inserting a penis into a vagina). Most guys don’t even know how awesome vibrations can feel on their penises, particularly if they have trouble getting aroused in the first place.

“[For men, vibrations] provide such a distinct orgasm,” Alys says. “With Tenuto, we really target the entirety of the male sex organs, so it can be life-altering, particularly for guys who have had a harder time getting aroused.”

Hot Octopuss Pulse Solo Lux

In 2015, the sex toy company Hot Octopuss introduced the Pulse, a vibrating sheath that was marketed as “the world’s first guybrator.”

The inventor of the Pulse, Adam Lewis, told the Daily Dot that he actually adapted the Pulse’s design from a similar product used in the medical field, which used deep oscillations to to stimulate the frenulum of the penis and help victims of spinal cord injuries achieve orgasm. Lewis said he hoped the Pulse (which is now in its third incarnation) would kibosh the lingering stigma attached to male sex toys.

“There’s a hundred different ways to achieve orgasm,” he told the Daily Dot. “Why should us guys just have one?”

ArcWave Ion

From Men’s Health sex columnist Zachary Zane’s review: “The sensation was novel—I’ll give it that much. I like the fact that you can pretty much put your dick in there, not do anything except strengthen your grip so there’s more pressure, and you’ll orgasm. Whether on purpose or not, the toy edges you because it’s only focusing on one section of your penis. Since it edges you, you end up orgasming hard. That’s a definite pro.

“Really, the Ion is a clit sucker except for the head of your penis. If you have a sensitive head and really like to focus on just your head when masturbating, then the Ion is a solid option.”

Source: Read Full Article

My husband masturbates in bed while I’m asleep, and won’t have sex with me. What’s going on?

Samantha Lee/Insider

  • A person's self-pleasure frequency isn't always linked to a lack of partnered sex. Still, your feelings are valid since your husband's personal time is affecting your bond.
  • Consider how this experience has made you feel, and then relay that information to your husband.
  • Be vocal about what you could do together to improve the situation for both of you, and ask your husband what he needs in the bedroom.
  • Have a question for Julia? Fill out this anonymous form. All questions will be published anonymously. You can read more Doing It Right here.
  • Visit Insider's homepage for more stories.

I think my husband has a problem with porn and masturbation. Maybe I'm exaggerating and his daily habit is normal, but I'm unsure.

The problem started on our honeymoon. He said he couldn't be intimate with me because he had been masturbating so much. It broke my heart. I found myself in a very romantic suite crying myself to sleep because the one thing the honeymoon is about (at least in my head) is to be intimate with your spouse, and that didn't happen.

Now that I know about how often he masturbates, I can't forget it. I also recently learned that he does it next to me when I am asleep. I have talked about it with him, but he often gets upset and defensive when I do.

He said it's my fault for feeling this way about the situation, and I don't have to. We even went to therapy for this and only after six months of that did he apologize, saying he wished our honeymoon had been different.

But this issue keeps happening and I feel our intimacy is severely affected. He doesn't make the effort to be with me anymore. We have sex probably once every two weeks at most. Every time we are intimate, I feel I am used as a hand, quick and fast. It is so not enjoyable for me.

I don't want to feel this way. It is not nice that every time he goes to the toilet or goes to bed earlier than me, I have the immense fear I'll catch him masturbating. What do I do now?

– Holland

Dear Holland,

I'm sorry you feel like you're being used rather than loved.

Though you've already tried talking to your husband about the situation, which I applaud you for, approaching the conversation in a new way may help.

First, it's important to reframe the issues you've been experiencing, because a person's masturbation frequency isn't directly linked to their appetite for partnered sex, New York City-based therapist and sex educator Rachel Wright told me.

These two patterns, your husband's daily masturbation and your lack of coupled intimacy, are occurring at the same time, but "they're two separate things that need to be tended to," Wright said.

At the same time, remember your feelings are valid because your husband's self-pleasure routine is affecting your relationship.

Wright suggested pinpointing the emotions you've been experiencing due to a lack of intimacy with your husband. That could be anything from feeling lonely to disconnected to unloved. But it's important that they come directly from you.

Then, set aside a time to talk with your husband.

Having the conversation

Start by reminding your husband how much you love him, and that you want to find solutions that make you both happy in your relationship. Then, say what you'd like to improve and steps you want to take to get there. 

Acknowledge what's been going on in a fact-focused way. Say something like: "I've noticed we haven't been as sexually intimate with each other as I'd like. I also noticed you masturbate often, and though the two may not be related, I've been feeling disconnected from your lately."

Reduce the risk of your partner becoming defensive by explaining how the facts of the situation play into your emotions, since it's impossible for him to decide or control how it makes you feel.

You can offer ways to work on the problem together, and then you should also give your partner space to offer his own solutions. Perhaps you'd like to have sex a certain number of times a week, or want to set boundaries so he doesn't masturbate next you in bed.

If it's more regular sex you'd like, ask your husband if he'd be open to scheduling a weekly session or two (and before you poo-poo scheduling sex, there's nothing wrong or unsexy about carving out quality time with your partner!). You could say you want to explore specific sex positions or experiment with toys in the bedroom so your needs are met, if that interests you.

Don't forget to ask your husband what he needs to feel a more intimate connection and enjoy bedroom time with you. During this conversation he might give you more insight into why he enjoys daily self-pleasure (which, by the way, can be completely normal and healthy, Wright said) and what's been going on in his head.

On the other hand, he might admit he needs help with an addiction.

Either way, lead with kindness, compassion, and curiosity so he's more likely to match your tone and be willing to solve the issues at hand alongside you.

As Insider's resident sex and relationships reporter, Julia Naftulin is here to answer all of your questions about dating, love, and doing it — no question is too weird or taboo. Julia regularly consults a panel of health experts including relationship therapists, gynecologists, and urologists to get science-backed answers to your burning questions, with a personal twist.

Have a question? Fill out this anonymous form. All questions will be published anonymously.

Related coverage from Doing It Right:

My partner won't have sex until marriage, but I'm very sexual. Should I have an affair to get it out of my system?

I'm having an affair with my best friend's partner, and he's become manipulative. Should I come clean?

My father-in-law recently moved in, and he insults me and my kids daily. How do I cope with his unappreciative attitude?

Source: Read Full Article