A Tinder User Discovered How to Match With Olympians

Many of us have found ourselves stuck in a TikTok trap, spending time endlessly scrolling through the bottomless “For You” timeline. And while you may not come away from this experience with anything but a few laughs, there are the rare times you discover a genius life hack you just have to try out. One of those diabolically clever hacks was recently uploaded by Reed Kavner (@reedkavner), and it involves upping your chances to land a date with an Olympian.

Here’s how it works: Paying $9.99/month grants you access to Tinder Plus, which allows the user to change their location to anywhere in the world. And while that feature is typically carried out in more pedestrian ways, Kavner recognized that setting his location to the Olympic Village in Tokyo would allow him to swipe left and right on the world’s most gifted athletes.

For a while, his plan was successful. Kavner’s swiping experience was chock-full of Olympians and his chances of matching with an elite volleyball player or equestrian were objectively higher than ever before. That’s until Kavner decided to make a TikTok about his new hack.

“[My TikTok] got 2M views overnight, which is fun,” Kavner said on Twitter. “But now Olympic Village Tinder is flooded with non-Olympians.”

As you can imagine, after seeing Kavner’s video, loads of other people copied his hack. Can you really blame them, though? Who would pass up the chance to swipe through Olympians?

While Kavner technically may have ruined his prospects for a love connection with a world-class athlete, he was recognized by Canadian swimmer Katerine Savard, who will be competing in Tokyo this year. She left a few comments on his TikTok — one of which included a winking emoji — so maybe the experience wasn’t all bad for Kavner.

While using Tinder Plus for the Olympics may be played out, the possibilities are seemingly endless for future star-studded events with tons of single people looking for love (and simply for a good time). When the hype is gone and the masses aren’t clogging Tinder Plus, it might be your moment to shine in the eyes of a celebrity. Just don’t make Kavner’s mistake and make sure you keep it to yourself.

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Teen Volunteers Get a Foot in the Door for Nursing Home Careers

Jasmine De Moya, 17, has dreamed for years of working in the medical field, and she yearned to spend time with older people, missing her grandparents, who live in the Dominican Republic. A program sponsored by the New Jewish Home health system in New York City that combines volunteering and free training for entry-level health jobs, career coaching and assistance on her college prep is helping make her hopes come alive.

Over the past three years, Jasmine has learned a lot about caring for older people, from the importance of speaking slowly and being gentle with frail residents who may have hearing or comprehension problems to how to brush their teeth or bathe them.

“We practiced first with mannequins, so when we actually [worked on residents] I was in shock,” she said. “Cleaning a body and their private areas, I never expected I would do that. But then I got used to it.”

Last summer, Jasmine completed a certified nursing assistant training course. She has also researched and applied for colleges and student loans with help from an organization that the geriatrics career development program provides to volunteers like her. After graduating from high school last month, Jasmine will start nursing school at Lehman College in the Bronx in the fall. She’ll be the first in her family to attend college.

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Since it launched in 2006, the geriatrics career development program has helped more than 700 high school students from 10 underserved schools in New York City get hands-on experience with geriatric care at the New Jewish Home in Manhattan and the Harry and Jeanette Weinberg Gardens senior living facility in the Bronx. Ninety-nine percent of program participants graduate from high school, and more than 150 have gone on to college.

The advantages of the program are also evident for the New Jewish Home, which operates two nursing homes, senior housing and assisted living facilities and a home care business in the New York City area. By familiarizing young people with geriatric care careers, the system aims to address its growing need for workers as the tide of baby boomers enter their later years.

Six of the top 10 fastest-growing jobs in the decade leading up to 2029 are projected to be in health care, according to the federal Bureau of Labor Statistics, including home health and personal care aides.

“One of our biggest challenges is that there aren’t enough people who want to work in this industry,” said Dr. Jeffrey Farber, president and CEO of the New Jewish Home system. “People don’t want to work with older adults.”

The New Jewish Home began its career development program for teens 15 years ago with the idea of training and hiring them as nursing assistants, Farber said.

But it has become more than that. Working a few afternoons a week for three years with older adults, students gain insights into aging and develop relationships with residents, some of whom are assigned as mentors. It also gives students assistance with figuring out career goals and putting the pieces in place to get there.

“I think the students would be successful without us, but we provide the structure and resources to help them succeed,” said John Cruz, senior director of workforce initiatives at the New Jewish Home, who oversees the program.

Students generally must devote two afternoons after school every week and several weeks during the summer, said Cruz. The program curriculum, developed with Columbia University Teachers College, initially teaches students basics about patient privacy, Medicare/Medicaid and overcoming stereotypes about older people. By the time they’re seniors in high school, students can train as certified nursing assistants and work as paid interns supporting the residents on the days they spend at the facility.

As part of the program, students may also become certified in other jobs, including patient care technician, phlebotomist, EKG technician, and medical coding and billing staff.

The pandemic, however, changed things. The New Jewish Home in Manhattan was hit hard, with dozens of covid deaths at the 514-bed facility.

Since volunteers weren’t permitted inside the facility, the home instead hired many of them as part-time employees so they could continue to help seniors. This also gave students a chance to complete the clinical training portion of their certified nursing assistant coursework.

In addition to the program for high school students, the health system created a program in 2014 for people ages 18 to 24 who are unemployed and out of school, training them to become certified home health aides and nursing assistants. Nearly 200 have completed the program and the New Jewish Home has hired three-quarters of them, at a starting wage of $15 to $19 an hour.

Both programs are supported primarily by grants from foundations.

In February, the state announced that nursing homes could accept visitors again, following federal guidelines. But many nursing home residents still rely on virtual visits, and during the spring Jasmine spent her time helping them connect with their families and other loved ones by iPad or phone.

The isolation was hard on the residents, and students provided sorely missed company. Asked how the students helped her, resident Dominga Marquez, 78, said, “Just talk.”

“We are lonely,” said Marquez. “I have a lot of friends that used to come every week to visit but, with the pandemic, nobody came.”

Kennedy Johnson, 17, said helping seniors experience virtual visits with their families during the pandemic made him realize how much he takes for granted.

“With the pandemic and doing the virtual calls, seeing how these families don’t get to interact with their loved ones every day, that really opened my eyes,” he said.

Working at the New Jewish Home was the first time Kennedy had ever been in a nursing home or seen the kinds of work that staff members do.

In the fall, he will start at Morehouse College in Atlanta and plans to major in political science. His goal: “I want to be a health care attorney so I can represent people … like this.”

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Doctores sopesan pros y contras de recetar la nueva droga para el Alzheimer

Mientras médicos y expertos en políticas de salud debaten los méritos de Aduhelm, el primer fármaco para el Alzheimer aprobado en 18 años, los pacientes simplemente quieren saber: “¿me ayudará?”.

Los médicos no tienen una respuesta definitiva. “En cada persona, será absolutamente imposible de predecir”, dijo el doctor Allan Levey, director del Centro de Investigación de la Enfermedad de Alzheimer Goizueta, en la Universidad Emory.

El deterioro cognitivo varía ampliamente entre las personas que han comenzado a experimentar problemas de memoria y pensamientos, o que se encuentran en la etapa más temprana del Alzheimer, los pacientes en los que se evaluó Aduhelm, apuntó Levey.

“La naturaleza y la velocidad de progresión varían enormemente, y no sabremos cuando tratemos a alguien [con Aduhelm] si su progresión será rápida, lenta o promedio; simplemente no podremos decirlo”, explicó Levey.

Tampoco será posible especificar la diferencia que supondría este fármaco para un paciente determinado. “Tratar de decirle a una persona cuánto retraso en la progresión experimentará [si toman Aduhelm] es simplemente algo que no podemos hacer”, dijo el doctor Jason Karlawish, profesor de la Escuela de Medicina Perelman de la Universidad de Pennsylvania y co-director del Penn Memory Center.

La incertidumbre sobre los posibles beneficios de Aduhelm, que recibió la aprobación condicional de la Administración de Alimentos y Medicamentos (FDA) el 7 de junio, es considerable. Un ensayo farmacológico de fase 3 encontró que una dosis alta tomada a lo largo de 18 meses retrasaba el deterioro cognitivo en aproximadamente cuatro meses; un segundo ensayo clínico no demostró ningún efecto.

La FDA está exigiendo a los fabricantes de medicamentos Biogen y Eisai Inc. un ensayo posterior a la aprobación, para proporcionar más datos, pero es posible que los resultados finales no estén disponibles hasta febrero de 2030.

Con muchas preguntas sin respuesta sobre la aprobación de Aduhelm, el Comité de Supervisión y Reforma de la Cámara de Representantes ha abierto una investigación. Ante las críticas por una orientación insuficiente, la FDA modificó la etiqueta del medicamento para limitar su uso potencial.

Ahora dice: “El tratamiento con ADUHELM debe iniciarse en pacientes con deterioro cognitivo leve o en etapa de demencia leve de la enfermedad, la población en la que se probó el tratamiento en los ensayos clínicos”.

Estos cambios hacen que el trabajo de educar a los pacientes y sus familias sobre Aduhelm y recomendarlo a favor o en contra sea extraordinariamente difícil para los médicos.

Las conversaciones serán “muy desafiantes, dada la complejidad de la información que debe transmitirse”, dijo Karlawish.

Estos son los puntos clave que los expertos deberán explicar:

La eficacia no ha sido probada. Se ha demostrado que Aduhelm es muy eficaz para eliminar la proteína beta-amiloide, un sello distintivo del Alzheimer, del cerebro de los pacientes. Se cree que grupos de esta proteína, conocidos como placas amiloides, están relacionados con el desarrollo subyacente de la enfermedad. Pero los ensayos clínicos de otros medicamentos que eliminan las placas amiloides no han demostrado eficacia para detener la progresión del Alzheimer.

Aunque los datos de dos ensayos clínicos de Aduhelm fueron inconsistentes, la FDA otorgó una aprobación acelerada al medicamento y señaló que era “razonablemente probable que produjera un beneficio clínico”. Pero esto es especulativo, no un resultado comprobado.

Los beneficios potenciales son pequeños. El doctor G. Caleb Alexander, codirector del Centro Johns Hopkins para la Seguridad y Eficacia de los Medicamentos, fue parte del comité asesor de la FDA que revisó Aduhelm, un grupo que recomendó no aprobarlo.

Alexander caracterizó los resultados positivos de un ensayo clínico de Aduhelm como “un pequeño cambio clínico”. En una escala de 18 puntos utilizada para evaluar la cognición y el funcionamiento, los pacientes que respondieron al fármaco experimentaron una desaceleración de 0,39 en la tasa de disminución durante 18 meses.

Esto se traduce, aproximadamente, en un retraso de cuatro meses en los síntomas sutiles.

Las pruebas neuropsicológicas para evaluar la cognición suelen pedir a los pacientes que copien un diagrama, resten 7 de 100 y deletreen una palabra al revés, entre otras tareas. “Pero navegar en su vida diaria es mucho más complicado, y no está del todo claro si el supuesto beneficio de Aduhelm sería suficiente para afectar la vida diaria de una persona”, dijo el doctor Samuel Gandy, profesor de neurología y psiquiatría en la Escuela Icahn de Medicina de Mount Sinai, en la ciudad de Nueva York.

La progresión de la enfermedad continuará. “Supongamos que alguien tiene un deterioro cognitivo u otro deterioro funcional y decide tomar Aduhelm. ¿Volverán a la normalidad? No hay evidencia de que esto suceda”, dijo el doctor Henry Paulson, profesor de neurología y director del Centro de Enfermedad de Alzheimer de Michigan.

“La expectativa debe ser que la progresión de la enfermedad continúe”, coincidió Levey de Emory.

Los posibles efectos secundarios son comunes. El 41% de los pacientes tratados con la dosis más alta de Aduhlem (10 mg), el subgrupo que mostró alguna respuesta en un ensayo clínico, tuvieron hemorragias cerebrales e hinchazón, según un documento publicado por la FDA. Los escáneres cerebrales los identificaron como leves en el 30% de los casos, moderados en el 58% y graves en el 13%. La mayoría de los casos se resolvieron, sin incidentes graves, en un plazo de tres meses.

La FDA recomienda que los pacientes que toman Aduhelm se realicen al menos tres resonancias magnéticas del cerebro durante el primer año para detectar efectos secundarios.

Serán necesarias otras pruebas. Aduhelm se probó en pacientes con depósitos de beta-amiloide en el cerebro que habían sido confirmados por imágenes cerebrales por tomografía por emisión de positrones (PET).

En la práctica clínica, solo los pacientes que tienen esos depósitos deben tomar Aduhelm y obtener imágenes para confirmar que deberían ser necesarios, coincidieron los expertos. Pero eso presenta un problema para muchos pacientes. Debido a su edad, la mayoría están cubiertos por Medicare, que no paga las imágenes de PET fuera de los entornos de investigación. En cambio, la mayoría de los centros médicos se basarán en pruebas de líquido cefalorraquídeo amiloide, obtenidas mediante punciones lumbares.

Las pruebas genéticas para una forma del gen de la apolipoproteína E conocida como APOE4, cuya presencia aumenta el riesgo de Alzheimer, probablemente también se pedirán, sugirió Gandy.

Los pacientes tuvieron más probabilidades de responder a Aduhelm si portaban un gen APOE4; al mismo tiempo, fue más probable que sufrieran hemorragia cerebral e hinchazón, anotó. Pero Medicare no paga las pruebas APOE4 ni el asesoramiento relacionado, y una prueba positiva podría afectar significativamente a las familias de los pacientes.

“Una vez que encuentras el genotipo APOE4, todos los parientes de primer grado de esa persona están en riesgo”, señaló Gandy, “y cambias la psicología de una familia de inmediato”.

La terapia será cara. Medicare y las aseguradoras privadas aún no han decidido si imponen restricciones sobre quién puede obtener cobertura para Aduhelm, que se administrará mediante infusiones mensuales en los centros médicos. Considerando un precio de lista anual de $56,000 solo para el medicamento, los investigadores de KFF estiman que algunos beneficiarios de Medicare podrían pagar hasta $11,500 de su bolsillo para cubrir su coseguro.

Agregando a eso los costos de los escáneres cerebrales, las infusiones mensuales, los servicios médicos, las pruebas de amiloide y las pruebas genéticas APOE4, y los gastos podrían acercarse a los $100,000 al año, sugieren expertos.

“Lo más urgente que necesitamos es comprender el pago de este medicamento”, dijo el doctor Aaron Ritter, experto en demencia del Centro Lou Ruvo de la Clínica Cleveland para la Salud del Cerebro en Las Vegas. “Muchos pacientes tendrán ingresos fijos con capacidad limitada para pagar grandes cantidades”. Más de 1,000 pacientes en la clínica son buenos candidatos para Aduhelm, agregó.

Los especialistas no lo recetarán a todos los pacientes con Alzheimer. Aunque los médicos pueden recetar un medicamento aprobado a quien crean que ayudará, los expertos en demencia dicen que Aduhelm debe considerarse solo para pacientes similares a los de los ensayos clínicos: individuos con deterioro cognitivo leve (problemas de memoria y pensamiento que no interfieren con sus funcionamiento) y con la enfermedad de Alzheimer en etapa temprana (cuando los síntomas aún son leves pero el funcionamiento comienza a deteriorarse).

“Vamos a empezar poco a poco e ir despacio hasta que entendamos más” sobre la medicación y cómo responden los pacientes, dijo la doctora Maria Torroella Carney, jefa de geriatría y medicina paliativa de Northwell Health, el sistema de atención médica más grande de Nueva York.

Dado que Aduhelm no se probó en personas con Alzheimer moderado o grave, no debería administrarse a estos pacientes, dijeron varios expertos. “Si los pacientes en estas etapas posteriores solicitan el medicamento, diremos que no tenemos ninguna evidencia de que funcione en ellos y que no podemos dárselo de manera justificada”, dijo Paulson de la Universidad de Michigan.

Los médicos respetarán los deseos de los pacientes. Incluso los médicos a los que les preocupa que los posibles daños de Aduhelm puedan superar los posibles beneficios dijeron que recetarán el medicamento con precaución y una cuidadosa consideración. Karlawish de la Universidad de Pennsylvania se encuentra entre ellos.

“Ahora que este medicamento está disponible, tengo que seguir una ética fundamental de la práctica de la medicina, que es el respeto por la autonomía del paciente”, dijo. “Si los pacientes y los cuidadores familiares piden Aduhelm después de una discusión exhaustiva, seré un recetador reacio”.

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Gabbi Tuft: I’m Making Sure Other Trans People Don’t Go Through What I Did

Gabbi Alon Tuft is a retired American professional wrestler. She’s best known for her time with WWE, where she wrestled under the stage name Tyler Reks. Tuft wrestled in widely televised WWE events, including RAW, SMACKDOWN, and WRESTLEMANIA. In February 2021, Tuft came out as a trans woman and has since been an activist within the transgender community.

Trigger warning: This article includes depictions of suicidal ideation and thoughts.

BACK WHEN I WAS YOUNG, no one was really familiar with the term transgender. It wasn’t a thing you saw in the media, and there was no Internet. What I did know was that dressing up in my mother’s clothing at the age of 10 was considered “bad” by society.

Fast forward to about five years ago. This is when I started experimenting with getting dressed in women’s clothing again. I would do it when no one was home and borrow some of my wife’s clothing. When lockdown began, and once my daughter, Mia, went to bed at night, that’s when I really began experimenting with presenting female inside my home. At first, it was a once in a while thing, but then deep into lockdown—once everyone had lost track of what day of the week it was—I started presenting female every night.

My wife, Priscilla, totally supported me. She would help me with my hair and makeup, and we would sit around and talk for hours. I felt so free to let my emotions go and just really embody a feminine persona.

But at the end of the night, when I had to take the hair, the makeup, and the feminine clothing off, so I could go to bed and not wake up in the morning with my daughter looking at me like, “Daddy, why are you dressed like that?”—that’s when I started to feel emotional pain. When presenting male felt like the costume, like the show, that’s when I really began to question my gender.

Luckily, Priscilla saw the writing on the wall. She was so loving and accepting and knew that this was part of my internal being—my soul—that was blossoming. She knew it needed to come out. Priscilla lovingly taught me the basics of makeup and how to walk in heels. I remember one night after she had been doing my makeup for weeks, she asked, “Why don’t you try?” I’m like, “Wait, me? What? I’m going to look like a clown when I’m done.” But she slowly let me drive, and eventually, I got the hang of it.

There was, however, one time when a miscommunication occurred. She said, “So look, you’ve been getting dressed up just about every night, and in the daytime, when you’re back to presenting male, I’m having a difficult time with that. I’m still seeing an image in my head of you as a woman.” While it really wasn’t a show of disapproval, I took it as such. Being the extremist I was, I told myself that this has got to stop and that this has to be bad for my marriage and family. That’s when I cut everything off. This moment was a pivotal point for me because immediately after I stopped presenting female, I then became really, really depressed.

I seriously contemplated suicide.

I remember one very dark night; I was in the master bedroom walk-in closet dealing with some very dark thoughts. The pain of not being able to live my life as a female had become so intense that I felt completely overwhelmed and felt that I should just end it all. It was like a computer program was running in my brain where I almost felt like I didn’t have a choice. I was lying on the ground crying uncontrollably. I knew that if I were to stand up, I’d reach for my gun on the top shelf, put the barrel to my head, and pull the trigger. So I yelled out for help, and Priscilla heard me. I’ve never once in my life cried for help like that. I was bawling. Priscilla came running in, and she saw the situation and gave me a big hug, told me everything was going to be okay, put a cold washrag on my neck, and slowly walked me out of the master bedroom closet.

Once she saw I was feeling more stable, she went upstairs and ran a bath for me, putting in a bath bomb and some essential oils. She took off my clothes and helped me in the tub. She then sat with me until I was calm and the dark feelings had passed. This was the kind of support that I feel so incredibly lucky to have.

This event is what led to the talk when I came out to Priscilla as transgender. But by this point, Priscilla already knew. She’s very close with her mom, and they had conversations where Priscilla said, “I don’t think this is a temporary thing anymore. It might be permanent.” So I think she actually knew before I did, which is probably why she was so loving about it.

While I was nervous to tell Mia, my nine-year-old daughter, she was so incredibly supportive when I told her. She has this app she plays on her phone, where the avatars can “gender-bend” and switch genders. I explained to her that daddy was going through a gender-bend himself. She gave me the biggest hug and told me she’d never make fun of me. (That was one of my biggest fears: people making fun of me.) Now she’s the first to say she loves LGBTQ people.

And my neighbors, the entire community has been accepting, which frankly, I found surprising because I live in Leander, one of the reddest parts in Texas. But I’ve never had anyone say anything negative about me and have never even heard anything whispered under people’s breaths.

I think it’s in part because I love everybody. It’s hard to hate somebody who smiles all the time and who is so loving to you no matter what. So I think that has a lot to do with it. I always smile everywhere I go.

“If I can make this journey easier for anyone else by being visible, just one person, it’s an honor for me to do that.”

And I try to spread that love and joy too, which is why it’s been heartbreaking hearing that trans kids can’t play in sports when attempting to present in their true gender identity. I know we need a solution to this, and at this time, I don’t have one. I know at a certain level, sports do become competitive, and scholarships are involved, but before that level, sports are supposed to be fun.

The second we stop smiling and it’s no longer fun—we shouldn’t be doing it. Remember, sports are supposed to be about building friendships. I’m seeing that being ripped away from our children. I just imagine, what if Mia came out to me as trans when she’s at that age? She would feel like she was exiled if she wanted to play but couldn’t. That would break my heart.

And really, all I want to do is make it easier for trans people of all ages. What I went through was emotionally traumatizing, but I made it through, and now I feel called to carry the torch for my trans siblings. If I can make this journey easier for anyone else by being visible, just one person, it’s an honor for me to do that. I don’t want anyone else to have to go through the same pain and anguish that I experienced. I don’t want anyone else to be too scared and think it’s easier to take a gun to their head than to keep living. So anything I can do to help, I will.

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Whats Love Bombing And How Do I Know When Its Happening To Me?

The honeymoon phase of a relationship is often filled with some of its most memorable moments. Your partner showers you with attention, sweet texts, and thoughtful dates. What’s not to love? Enjoy the ride, but make sure it doesn’t get too excessive. Then you can cross into the “love bombing” territory.

Love bombing is when your partner bombards you with attention. “It’s when an individual idealizes their partner and barrages them in intense ‘all good’ love and affection,” says Jessica January Behr, PsyD, director at Behr Psychology in New York. This type of behavior is often linked to narcissism, a clinical disorder in which someone has an excessive and inflated interest in themselves or their appearance.

That’s because of the cycle of idealization and devaluation that is at the core of narcissistic behavior, she explains. “This is a learned pattern of behavior, where the narcissist’s self-worth is so low that they overcompensate with love bombing so they can receive the reciprocated love and affection they need to maintain their self-worth.”

A narcissistic person love bombs so that the other partner can develop emotional, physical, or financial dependence on them. “People who engage in love-bombing are often doing so unconsciously, though they may be aware of the effect their behavior has on others,” Behr says. “Someone who love bombs likely experienced a form of this narcissistic abuse in their own childhood, where a parent idealized and devalued them.”

If this behavior sounds familiar to your relationship, there are some signs you can look out for. Here’s everything you need to know about love bombing and how it can affect relationships.

First, what the hell is love bombing?

To put it simply, you can think of love bombing as clingy behavior taken to the next level. “Love bombing is a tactic of flooding a new partner with an overabundance of attention, compliments, and often false promises,” says Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist, speaker, and author of upcoming book Date Smart. That might look something like saying they’ll cover your expenses to join them in a trip abroad even though you still don’t know each other well, or bombarding you with so many texts or calls that you feel overwhelmed.

The tactic is usually used to trick people into thinking they’re the one, says Manly. But the extra attention is given for selfish reasons. “Although the person thinks the love-bombing is real and a sign of devotion and love, the love-bomber engages in ‘loving’ behaviors for personal gratification and self-inflation,” explains Manly.

To the person experiencing it, love bombing can initially feel like a good thing because it feels like your partner is putting you on a pedestal, says Behr. But the pattern of behavior is unhealthy and unsustainable. And eventually, it becomes overwhelming to the person on the receiving end of the bombing.

Why is it a red flag?

Love bombing doesn’t create healthy dynamics between partners. Though it’s natural to show the person you are dating extra attention in the initial stages of a relationship, the attention a love bomber devotes is often false and inflated on both conscious and unconscious levels, explains Manly. “This type of behavior is a red flag because of the manipulative, self-absorbed nature of the underlying dynamics.”

But how do you know if your partner is love bombing you, or if they’re just trying to show you they’re into you. Well, there are a few signs you can look out for.

Too much too soon: Behr says she once had a client whose partner offered her a key to his home after dating for three weeks. But after a few weeks, they would argue, and he would demand his key back. This is a clear example of too much too soon, she explains. Love bombing can look like your partner constantly offering you lavish gifts, whether it’s trips or jewelry, and then demanding it back to devalue and punish you. In addition to gifts, a love-bombing partner can also flood you with romantic statements or mantras, like ‘I love you,” or “We are twin flames,” too soon, Manly adds, before taking it back.

Inconsistent emotional feedback: If your partner is inconsistent in their affection, that may be a sign that something’s up. “If your partner sometimes showers you with affection, and other times leaves you high and dry, you might be experiencing love bombing. The larger the discrepancy between behaviors, the more likely you are dealing with pathological narcissism,” says Behr.

An excessive level of compliments: Compliments are a healthy part of any relationship, but your gut will know when something’s becoming overwhelming or sounds too good to be true. “Although it’s normal to compliment a new partner as a relationship unfolds, the love bomber focuses on offering lavish compliments, often before he knows enough about the other person to warrant the complimentary statements,” Manly says.

Love-bombing doesn’t always mean you’re dealing with a narcissist, though. “Love-bombing can occur outside of a narcissistic relationship, particularly if a person is needy, lonely, or happens to be naturally very generous and attentive,” says Manly. Behr says most people have features that can be considered narcissistic, even if one isn’t a true narcissist. “We all have some narcissistic features in our personality constellations, so it is possible that the love bombing you are receiving is coming from features of narcissism rather than true pathological narcissism,” Behr explains.

What should I do if someone love bombs me?

Love bombing can be dangerous because it can set you up for disappointment, says Behr. “The idealization can bring someone’s self-esteem, hope, and reciprocated affection to great heights only to be trampled by the eventual devaluation.” When someone love bombs you, it’s easy to begin to grow romantic feelings for that partner.

But when their love and affection is removed and yours stays the same, the unrequited love or feelings can result in heartbreak or feelings of betrayal, Behr explains, adding that for some it can even cause panic, desperation, depression, fear, and anxiety in the victim of love bombing. “Often the partner being love bombed will act out in desperation to return to the pedestal they were once on,” she says. “This is a cycle that can devolve with each go around, leaving the victim of love bombing more and more depleted, and more dependent on the love bomber for self-esteem and a sense of stability.”

If you suspect you’re being love bombed, Manly recommends you take a step back to gain an objective perspective. “Journal about your concerns and any red flags that arise. Talk with trusted friends or a psychotherapist about your experiences.” Then when you feel you’ve had a chance to evaluate the relationship, talk to the person you’re dating about your concerns. “A narcissistic love bomber may ‘explode’ or ‘self-destruct’ when confronted with respectful honesty, so you’ll learn a great deal from the nature of the person’s responses,” says Manly.

Once you’ve attempted to take to your partner about your concerns, it could result in an improvement in the relationship, depending on your partner’s level of insight, says Behr. “However, if you are dealing with a true narcissist, it is unlikely that any amount of communication will change this dynamic.” So, the best you can do is stay aware of the fluctuations between idealization and devaluation and decide for yourself if the downs are worth sticking around for the ups,” Behr says.

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What May's Taurus Horoscope Predictions Mean for You

Read what your sign's 2021 horoscope predictions have in store for you or check out the Taurus personality profile. 

Welcome to May, sweet Taurus. Last month, you took some time for yourself as you worked through some tough emotions. Because your ruling planet is beautiful Venus, you are the master of self-care, Taurus. But when communication planet Mercury enters chatty Gemini on Monday, May 3, lighting up your 2nd House of Possessions, you're ready to make some money. Due to the way the economy has affected the pandemic, many of us suffered financial setbacks. However, many of us have also been grappling with our relationship with money and capitalism as a whole. If you haven't already, it may be time to ask yourself if you're being properly compensated for your time. This transit helps you ask for your worth. 

Venus also enters Gemini and your 2nd House of Possessions on Saturday, May 8. This beneficial transit sprinkles fairy dust all over your professional inbox. If you've been waiting for the right time to apply for a new job or ask for that raise, now is it. Use the new moon in your sign on Tuesday, May 11, to meditate on your goals. Visualize them coming true. 

This transit helps you manifest your dreams into reality.

Lucky planet Jupiter enters dreamy Pisces on Thursday, May 13. Following the theme above, this transit helps you manifest your dreams into reality. Write down what you want in a journal or create a mood board. Rituals help us become aware of our desires and turn them into action — that is the power of witchcraft. 

Flirty Gemini season then begins on Thursday, May 20. Get your sleep when you can, because both your social and professional calendars are about to be booked. Just make sure to continue working in enough time for self-care. Even if you haven't figured that out yet, when strict Saturn goes retrograde from Sunday, May 23 to Sunday, October 10, you'll be pushed to learn how to balance a blossoming social life with your emotional needs. Earth signs are known for being grounded, Taurus, but you are still prone to anxiety and need time alone to unpack your brain. 

Use the lunar eclipse to relax and take care of loose ends.

There is a powerful full moon and lunar eclipse in bossy Sagittarius on Wednesday, May 26. The light of the moon may seem like an ideal setting to ask your crush out or to write and pre-schedule an email to ask your boss for more money, but eclipses are chaotic times. People may be on edge, and there may be unexpected chanes. It's best to use this day to relax and take care of loose ends. Trust that there will be time to do the things you want when everything settles down and take a moment to get some extra sleep or catch up on TV. 

The month ends with Mercury in retrograde starting Saturday, May 29. People tend to freak out when they hear Mercury is retrograde, but fear not, strong Taurus. You've lived through plenty of these and always come out on top. Just double-check emails and block your toxic ex. See you next month! 

May brings money moves. Look like a boss in a power lip color for any important Zoom calls: Josephine Cosmetics Tiphaine Liquid Lipstick, available in the May Allure Beauty Box, $23 (Shop Now)

All products featured on Allure are independently selected by our editors. However, when you buy something through our retail links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

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The Bystander Effect Explains Why Some People Don't Help When Others Are In Danger-Here's How to Fight Against It


The data is clear: Hate crimes against Asian Americans have skyrocketed since the pandemic began. Anti-violence organization Stop AAPI Hate reported nearly 3,800 incidents against Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders from March 2020 to February 2021, and New York City alone had an 867% increase in Asian hate crime victims in 2020 compared to the previous year.

What's most shocking? Some of these crimes have happened right in front of other people—who haven't stepped in to help. In a video that's now gone viral, a 65-year-old Asian American woman can be seen being thrown to the ground and repeatedly assaulted in full view of security guards in a building nearby. The security guards look out and clearly see what's going on, as one of them closes the door on her.

Plenty of people online have expressed shock and outrage that something like this could happen right in front of others, with no one rushing to help. But this kind of thing happens more often than you'd think. In fact, it's a social phenomenon with a name. It's called the bystander effect, and it's been well documented for decades. Here's what you need to know.

What exactly is the bystander effect?

The bystander effect is a social psychology theory that says that a person is less likely to offer help to a victim when more people are around, Todd Lucas, PhD, a social and health psychologist at Michigan State University, tells Health. "It's an irony of human behavior," he says.

The term was first coined in the 1960s by psychologists Bibb Latané and John Darley who analyzed the 1964 murder of a woman named Kitty Genovese in New York City. Genovese was stabbed to death outside of her apartment, but none of her neighbors reacted to help her, even though they were aware of what was going on.

"It's really a classic example of unhelpful behavior," Victoria Banyard, PhD, associate director for the Center on Violence Against Women and Children at the Rutgers School of Social Work, tells Health.

Why does the bystander effect happen?

There are a few possible reasons for this. One is what Lucas calls "diffusion of responsibility." Meaning, the more people there are around, the less any single person feels responsible for helping in any situation.

People are also "social creatures" and we tend to react to social cues from those around us, Banyard says. "We want to fit in and, if other people seem to think this isn't serious, we tend to react the same way," she says.

Experts say this is potentially damaging on so many levels. On a very basic—but important—level, the bystander effect increases the odds that someone will get hurt. "There may be a chance to keep something from escalating and prevent someone from being harmed if people actually intervene," Banyard says.

But the bystander effect isn't just harmful on a physical level—it's damaging on a mental level for the victim, too. "It sends a message to the victim that people don't think they're worth helping," Banyard says.

What you can do to stop the bystander effect

It's easy to think you wouldn't fall victim to the bystander effect, but it's a common social phenomenon that has impacted plenty of others. If you notice something seems off in a crowd but no one else is reacting, Lucas recommends listening to your gut. "Be confident in your values and assessment of the situation," he says. "If you think somebody needs help, recognize that might be correct. Even if no one else is acting, it may be appropriate to act."

One person taking action can create a domino effect, where others recognize that there is a problem and step in to help, too, Lucas says. "You don't need to be the person that fixes the situation entirely—you just need to be the person who starts the chain reaction," he says.

If you're a victim in a crowd and no one is helping you, Lucas recommends singling out a particular person or looking for someone who seems like they could be helpful and appealing directly to them. "You can better overcome a bystander effect that way," he says.

Even simply being aware that the bystander effect is a thing can be helpful, Banyard says. Organizations like Hollaback and Step Up also have courses you can take to learn more about the bystander effect and strategies for intervening in different situations.

And, of course, if you see someone being victimized, do your best to intervene. "Take action," Banyard says. "It's simple."

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22-Year-Old Surfer With Olympic Dreams Struck and Killed by Lightning While Training

surfer struck by lightning , olympic surfer struck by lightning , Female surfer riding ocean wave

A 22-year-old surfing standout was struck and killed by lightning as she was training in the waters of her home country, El Salvador, on March 19.

Katherine Diaz had been training for an upcoming surfing event—one that she hoped would qualify her for this summer's Olympics—when she was struck. According to CNN, Diaz was in the water at El Tunco beach in southwest El Salvador with her friend and uncle when the tragedy happened.

"Katherine came over to hug her [friend], as soon as she finished hugging her, the noise was heard," Diaz's uncle, Beto Diaz, told a newspaper in El Salvador, CNN reports. "She, the friend, was thrown by the force of the lightning strike too, the board threw me back. Katherine died instantly."

The lightning struck shortly after Diaz had entered the water. According to the Salvadoran Surf Federation, via the Olympic Channel, "the sky was clear and it was an unforeseen storm that did not seem to carry much electrical intensity either." After the unexpected strike, emergency services arrived, but they were unable to revive Diaz.

The International Surfing Association honored Diaz in a tweet, saying that "Katherine embodied the joy and energy that make surfing so special and dear to us all, as a global ambassador of the sport." According to the association, Diaz excelled at the international competition level and represented her country with pride.

"We send our heartfelt condolences to Katherine's family, the surfers of El Salvador, and to all those in the international surfing community whose lives she touched. We will never forget you," the International Surfing Association also tweeted.

Diaz had worked as a chef and had opened her own business in El Tunco, USA Today reported. According to CBS, a funeral was held this past weekend, pictures of which can be seen on El Salvador's surfing federation's Facebook page. Tomorrow, a paddle-out ceremony will be held to honor her, per USA Today.

According to the National Weather Service (NWS), about 30 people in the US die from lightning each year. Another 240 are injured. Of those who are killed, about two thirds had been participating in outdoor recreational activities at the time of the strike.

It's estimated that the US has 20 million to 25 million cloud-to-ground lightning flashes per year. "Some of those flashes strike directly under the storm where it is raining, but some of the flashes reach out away from the storm where people perceive the lightning threat to be low or nonexistent, and catch people by surprise," the NWS reports.

Being in water at the time of a lightning strike may also make matters worse. According to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA), though lightning doesn't strike the ocean as much as land, when it does, it can spread out over the water, which acts like a conductor. When that happens, the lightning strike can affect boats that are nearby and any living creatures that are near the surface.

Generally, a significant lightning threat extends outward from the base of a thunderstorm cloud about 6 to 10 miles. With that in mind, the NWS suggests that you should stop your activity if you see lightning or hear thunder or if the sky looks threatening. "Thunderstorms can develop directly overhead and some storms may develop lightning just as they move into an area," according to the NWS. The NOAA also suggests that you get out of the water immediately if you're at the beach during a thunderstorm; and if you're at sea away from land, it's recommended you stay low in the boat or retreat to a cabin.

Once the storm has passed, the NWS suggests waiting at least 30 minutes after the last thunder before going back to your outdoor activity since electrical charges can still be in the clouds.

And if you or someone you know is struck by lightning, it's imperative to seek medical attention immediately, per the NWS. That means calling 911, performing CPR, or using an AED—all of which are crucial to keep the person alive until professional medical help can arrive to the scene.

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Why Men Are Buying Vibrators \u2014 and Keeping Them for Themselves

If you ask any man in America to define what a vibrator is, he’ll probably say something along the lines of, “Well, it’s a brightly-hued hunk of oblong plastic.” He’ll also probably note that vibrators are meant for women.

To an extent, this is true: historically, vibrators have been marketed to and used by women. Although an estimated 51% of men have copped to owning some sort of intimacy product (per a 2014 survey), they tend to be cock rings or Fleshlights—rarely, if ever, vibrators.

Part of the reason for this has to do with basic anatomical differences (and we probably don’t need to draw you a picture to explain why). But there’s also an undeniable stigma associated with guys using sex toys to get off.

“For men, any kind of [self-pleasure help] feels like a direct piercing of their masculinity,” says Alexandra Katehakis, clinical director of the Center For Healthy Sex. “The attitude is, ‘I can do this myself, and if I can’t there’s something wrong with me.'”

That attitude, however, might be changing. Sex tech companies are increasingly starting to market products like vibrators to dudes—and they’re into it.

While most sex toys for men are aimed at replicating the sensation of a penis going in and out of an orifice, the truth is that lots of guys find the sensation of vibrations on their penis (particularly around the frenulum, or the sensitive strip of skin underneath the head of the penis) incredibly pleasurable. In fact, according to one 2012 study, 44% of heterosexual men admitted that they’ve enjoyed using a vibrator at one point or another.

To that end, here are some of our favorite vibrating cock rings, sleeves, penile extenders, and other amazing toys that have been specifically marketed as vibrators for men.

Tenuto MysteryVibe

Design-wise, the Tenuto might throw you for a loop: it’s a small, black clip that attaches to the base of your penis, and it looks more like a tiny car seat than a sex toy. The device is controlled by an app, which powers six hyper-sensitive vibration motors that the company claims can help increase blood flow for stronger erections while also stimulating your pleasure centers. It can be used both solo and during intercourse.

According to Stephanie Alys, who has the (awesome) title of Chief Pleasure Officer at MysteryVibe, for too long men have been told that the pleasures of sex are largely fricative (i.e., through the friction produced by inserting a penis into a vagina). Most guys don’t even know how awesome vibrations can feel on their penises, particularly if they have trouble getting aroused in the first place.

“[For men, vibrations] provide such a distinct orgasm,” Alys says. “With Tenuto, we really target the entirety of the male sex organs, so it can be life-altering, particularly for guys who have had a harder time getting aroused.”

Hot Octopuss Pulse Solo Lux

In 2015, the sex toy company Hot Octopuss introduced the Pulse, a vibrating sheath that was marketed as “the world’s first guybrator.”

The inventor of the Pulse, Adam Lewis, told the Daily Dot that he actually adapted the Pulse’s design from a similar product used in the medical field, which used deep oscillations to to stimulate the frenulum of the penis and help victims of spinal cord injuries achieve orgasm. Lewis said he hoped the Pulse (which is now in its third incarnation) would kibosh the lingering stigma attached to male sex toys.

“There’s a hundred different ways to achieve orgasm,” he told the Daily Dot. “Why should us guys just have one?”

ArcWave Ion

From Men’s Health sex columnist Zachary Zane’s review: “The sensation was novel—I’ll give it that much. I like the fact that you can pretty much put your dick in there, not do anything except strengthen your grip so there’s more pressure, and you’ll orgasm. Whether on purpose or not, the toy edges you because it’s only focusing on one section of your penis. Since it edges you, you end up orgasming hard. That’s a definite pro.

“Really, the Ion is a clit sucker except for the head of your penis. If you have a sensitive head and really like to focus on just your head when masturbating, then the Ion is a solid option.”

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Countless Homebound Patients Still Wait for Covid Vaccine Despite Seniors’ Priority

Opening another front in the nation’s response to the pandemic, medical centers and other health organizations have begun sending doctors and nurses to apartment buildings and private homes to vaccinate homebound seniors.

Boston Medical Center, which runs the oldest in-home medical service in the country, started doing this Feb. 1. Wake Forest Baptist Health, a North Carolina health system, followed a week later.

In Miami Beach, Florida, fire department paramedics are delivering vaccines to frail seniors in their own homes. In East St. Louis, Missouri, a visiting nurse service is offering at-home vaccines to low-income, sick older adults who receive food from Meals on Wheels.

In central and northern Pennsylvania, Geisinger Health, a large health system, has identified 500 older homebound adults and is bringing vaccines to them. Nationally, the Department of Veterans Affairs has provided more than 11,000 vaccines to veterans who receive primary medical care at home.

These efforts and others like them recognize a compelling need: Between 2 million and 4.4 million older adults are homebound. Most are in their 80s and have multiple medical conditions, such as heart failure, cancer, and chronic lung disease, and many are cognitively impaired. They cannot leave their homes or can do so only with considerable difficulty.

By virtue of their age and medical status, these seniors are at extremely high risk of becoming seriously ill and dying if they get covid-19. Yet, unlike similarly frail nursing home patients, they haven’t been recognized as a priority group for vaccines, and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention only recently offered guidance on serving them.

“This is a hidden group that’s going to be overlooked if we don’t step up efforts to reach them,” said Dr. Steven Landers, president and CEO of Visiting Nurse Association Health Group, which provides home health and hospice care to over 10,000 people in New Jersey, northeastern Ohio and southeastern Florida. His organization plans to launch a pilot home vaccination program for frail patients this week.

Jane Gerechoff, 91, of Ocean Township, New Jersey, is waiting for the group to vaccinate her. She had a stroke more than a year ago and has difficulty breathing because of a serious lung disease. “I can’t walk; I’m in a wheelchair. There’s no way in the world I could get the vaccine if they didn’t come out to me,” she said in a phone interview.

Although Gerechoff doesn’t go out, she lives with an adult son who interacts with people outside the house and she receives help from physical and occupational therapists at home. Any one of them could bring in the virus.

Reaching homebound seniors presents many challenges. At the top of the list: Home care agencies and hospice organizations don’t have access to covid vaccines either for their staff or patients.

“There is no distribution of vaccines to our members, and there has been no planning surrounding meeting the needs of the people we serve,” said William Dombi, president of the National Association for Home Care & Hospice.

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Organizations that administer vaccines also complain they’re not being paid enough by Medicare to cover their costs — primarily staff time and effort. (The shots are free because the federal government is paying for them.) Making a vaccine house call requires about an hour on average, including travel, time interacting with patients and post-vaccination monitoring of people for potential side effects, according to program leaders.

Medicare reimbursement for the first shot is $16.94; for a second shot, it’s $28.39, according to Shawna Ramey, a consultant who presented the data at a recent American Academy of Home Care Medicine webinar. “The actual cost of these visits is closer to $150 or $160,” Dombi said.

Then, there are issues with cold storage and transportation for the Pfizer-BioNTech and Moderna vaccines. Both vaccines are fragile after being thawed and need to be handled carefully, according to the new CDC guidance on vaccinating homebound adults.. Once vaccine vials are opened, shots need to be delivered within six hours, according to instructions from Pfizer and Moderna.

Those requirements have proved too burdensome for Prospero Health, which serves 9,000 seriously ill patients in their homes in 20 states, including nearly 2,000 homebound patients. Fewer than 10% have been vaccinated, said Dr. Dave Moen, Prospero’s medical group president.

Things will become easier if vaccines from Johnson & Johnson and AstraZeneca receive approval, as expected, he suggested. Both of those vaccine candidates are more stable than the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines and would be easier to administer in the home, Moen said.

Palmer Kloster, 84, of Bradley, Illinois, receives care from Prospero under a contract with his Medicare Advantage insurer, UnitedHealthcare. He’s a largely immobile polio survivor who has undergone open-heart surgery and receives care from paid helpers for four hours a day.

“I really need someone to come here and give me a shot,” he told me in a phone conversation. “I don’t want that disease [covid-19]. At my age, it would be very detrimental.”

In Boston, Mary Gareffa, 84, is grateful that a physician she knows and trusts, Dr. Won Lee, came to her house in early February to vaccinate her. “I haven’t been out of the house in about eight years, except by ambulance,” said Gareffa, who has stomach cancer, weighs 73 pounds and broke her hip this summer after a bad fall.

It’s essential to reach out to patients like Gareffa, said Lee, a geriatrician who works with the Boston Medical Center’s home-based program. “It’s worth providing quality of life and reducing suffering, and covid-19 causes nothing but suffering,” she said. The Boston program has vaccinated 84 people as of Feb. 12.

The vaccines come from the medical center’s supply. Before going out, staff members call patients and address any concerns they might have about getting the shots. Most are African American and many families want to know whether the vaccine will make their frail parents or grandparents sick. “They need to hear that it’s safe to get a shot from someone who knows their medical issues,” Lee said.

Wake Forest’s house call program is sending out a doctor, nurse or physician assistant paired with a pharmacy resident to deliver vaccines. About 200 people are served through the program, most of them in their late 70s or early 80s with five or more medical conditions, said Dr. Mia Yang, the program’s director.

Wake Forest’s goal is to provide vaccine house calls to up to 40 patients a week and include family caregivers if there’s adequate supply, Yang said.

Robert Pursel, 69, who has severe osteoporosis and fluid retention in his feet and legs, and his wife Gail, 72, who has serious back problems, both received Pfizer vaccines in late January from Geisinger at their home in Millville, Pennsylvania. At first, Robert said he was skeptical, but now he’s glad he said yes. If a Geisinger nurse hadn’t come to them, he wouldn’t have been able to get out on his own.

Because of his swelling, “I can’t get my shoes on,” Robert said, and “I’d have to walk barefoot through the snow and ice out there.”

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